I thought the exact same thing about digging inside me. I think I need to make myself clear about what I really want in life. That whole "you tell the universe you want something and it will give you that" sounds way too esoteric to me, but I don't give a shit how you call it. What I do believe in is selective perception. You can't by no means focus on everything in the world. If you did so, you'd collapse in seconds. That's why we focus only on the things that are important to us. So instead of focusing on girls I might eventually have a chance with I should rather focus on girls that really push my buttons. Sure, that's going to make the selection even smaller, but there's no rush in finding someone. But finding a girl is not my only concern in life. My top priority in life right now is to make me feel so awesome about my life that I don't feel like I need something or somebody to make up for my uneventful life. Apart from that it's obvious that people who feel good about themselves and have an attractive lifestyle draw people to them.

Oh and two last things: I feel MUCH better today. The clarity that I did the right thing and it had nothing to do with me is a relief to me. Also I feel like I learned something important which might help me in the future. Asking about the relationship with ones parents can be incredibly insightful into someone's approach to life. What she told me was everything else but the typical happy family story. I didn't see that as a red flag though or more likely: I didn't want it to be true that this might have a significant effect on her.

As for seeing her again: I wrote her I think it's best we don't see each other again in the near future which I think is right. After everything has cooled down though and I feel like I'm past all that I might go for a coffee with her. We'll see.

Be cool about what? Be stupid about what? I think I'm missing something