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Sherpa
Registered: 02/23/08
Posts: 86

10/29/09 at 10:14 AM

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I don't know why but I seem to always meet girls who are involved. I don't choose to pursuit them because the're involved but I just find out as I get to know them. It's been frustrating lately.

seanmessenger
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Registered: 10/27/07
Posts: 4,171

10/29/09 at 10:26 AM

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Yep. And it's always gonna be that way. Most attractive women are either dating someone, or kinda dating someone when you meet them, so get comfortable with it.

Sometimes a girl says she's dating someone as a way to politely tell you that she's not interested in something with you right now. No harm, no foul. Sometimes she really is dating someone. But this much is very, very true: when you meet someone and there's the potential for something real there, unless that person is IN LOVE with someone else, you'll get a shot. So stop worrying about finding "single" girls, and focus on finding ones that you really click with.
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Sherpa
Registered: 02/23/08
Posts: 86

10/29/09 at 12:19 PM

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Thanks Sean for that reality check. I was wondering because it has been frustrating. I met a sexy and smart girl at my current temp job and hit it off real well. The best part is she gets my sense of humor and personality. She's a naturally flirty person so the flirting was heavy and fun. Some of the things we say to each other could be considered sexual harassment to others. There's kino and everthing. She also mentioned a few times how we get along so well. However, one thing she did not ever mentioned to me was her BF. From my eavesdropping (because I sit next to her cubicle) she is living with a guy. Apparently, she was living alone, got sick, and moved back with her mom and then now moved in with the guy. The closest she came to telling me about him was when she mentioned changing mailing address from a PO Box to a physical address and that it was a "long story".

I usually don't go after girls I work with but this girl seem special. I've ask her to come out with me and play pool and she happily accepted. The getting her to come with me away from work is the tricky part because she usually stay late.

seanmessenger
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10/29/09 at 03:43 PM

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Just hang out with her, enjoy her, and act as if she's just another girl.

If she doens't TELL you she has a boyfriend, it's because she has reasons she doesn't want you to know. And if she does tell you, that's still her business. If she spends time with you, it's cos she likes to... so you are totally within your rights to see where it goes.

I'm not in favor of "stealing" anyone from another person, but then again, if they can be stolen, they weren't really happy to begin with, were they?
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Cameron
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Registered: 11/24/07
Posts: 1,141

10/29/09 at 05:53 PM

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"I'm not in favor of "stealing" anyone from another person, but then again, if they can be stolen, they weren't really happy to begin with, were they?"

So you are in favour of stealing someone from another person.

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vboy123
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Registered: 09/05/09
Posts: 172

10/29/09 at 06:14 PM

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i dont like stealing girls from other blokes either, but there have been instants in my life where some girls have left their Bf to be with me. Its not bcos of some secrete I play with them but bcos, there wasn't much attraction or relationship going on in the first place with so called their other halfs.

I don't think even for second that a guy can steal a girl from other people bcos, girls make the decision of whether they want to continue their relationship with their bf or they want to be with you instead. So donot feel bad that you stole a girl from someone else coz if u didn't someone else would anyway..
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Sherpa
Registered: 02/23/08
Posts: 86

10/29/09 at 08:42 PM

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So go thru the motion like with any other girl and that would include hand holding, flirting and kissing?

Now I have to think about whether to pursuit this if I become a permanent employee at this place. We'd officially be coworkers. UGH!

seanmessenger
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10/30/09 at 11:02 AM

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Cameron
"I'm not in favor of "stealing" anyone from another person, but then again, if they can be stolen, they weren't really happy to begin with, were they?"

So you are in favour of stealing someone from another person.

Nope. No one belongs to anyone else. People don't have owners. Love makes it's own rules, and that is what drives us men crazy... we want women just to choose a man and be done with it. Love trumps all, like it or not. It fucked up my life pretty hardcore when my parents fell out of love and met other people, but I would not go back and change it or ask them to. They are happier as a result, and so am I.

There is no cheating. There is no infidelity. There is no permanence. We are all day-to-day when it comes to romance, because it's always a conscious choice. That's what makes it more special (and more tortuous) than family love, because it is made to go away.
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Cameron
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10/30/09 at 12:47 PM

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There is cheating. There is fidelity.

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Words give us a protective facade and it costs very little make them ours. Action costs a lot more, maybe because the reward is a hidden one to begin with, and in the end it's the only indication of who you truly are.

TimW
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Registered: 11/06/07
Posts: 436

10/30/09 at 05:47 PM

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#10

Quote:

Originally Posted by seanmessenger

Quote:

Nope. No one belongs to anyone else. People don't have owners. Love makes it's own rules, and that is what drives us men crazy... we want women just to choose a man and be done with it. Love trumps all, like it or not. It fucked up my life pretty hardcore when my parents fell out of love and met other people, but I would not go back and change it or ask them to. They are happier as a result, and so am I.

There is no cheating. There is no infidelity. There is no permanence. We are all day-to-day when it comes to romance, because it's always a conscious choice. That's what makes it more special (and more tortuous) than family love, because it is made to go away.

Bullshit! A married person sleeping with someone else other than their wife isn't cheating? isn't infidelity? since when?

No! i think we want women to choose a man and be honest thats all. By that i mean if she doesn't want us anymore tell us first rather than cheating or disappearing into thin air.

Sure there are some nut jobs out there, but most men won't start stalking cause a girl says she's not feeling it for them anymore.

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Dr Dr i'm having problems with the ladies!
really son what kind of problems?
I find i don't breathe when it matters the most!!

AndyM
Sherpa
Registered: 11/08/07
Posts: 73

10/30/09 at 06:25 PM

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#11

As a divorcee myself, one takes an oath in front of their church or their state, whatever form that takes you promise to forsake all others, so putting what Sean said in the context of marriage is a bit unfair & should be a topic of conversation in its own right.

This is something I struggle with though; by my knowing a woman is in a relationship, no matter what the situation is, I'll only ever hear her side of it, and that I'm somehow complicit in whatever now happens between her & him.

As stupid as it sounds, I feel some empathy for the other guy.

We've all been that other guy (even Sean)

Cam is right though. There is cheating, and there is fidelity.

Both of these are choices we make.

But at the end of the day, the only call we can make is over our own choices, the choice to deceive (cheat) or the choice to be faithful. We cant make that choice for other people, all we can do is encourage them to treat us with respect when the time comes to end it.

Problem is there a lot of cowards out there, men & women, who will do anything to save their own feelings when its time to say goodbye.

Way I see it is quite simple; a woman might tell me she loves me today, but tommorrow? Your guess is as good as mine. Same goes for me too.

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Matt
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Registered: 10/27/07
Posts: 1,243

10/30/09 at 11:22 PM

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#12

Quote:

Originally Posted by TimW
No! i think we want women to choose a man and be honest thats all. By that i mean if she doesn't want us anymore tell us first rather than cheating or disappearing into thin air.

So, let me get this straight..

you'd rather have a woman be upfront and tell you.. "Tim, I know we've had good times but you just don't do it for me like you used to. You're not attractive anymore. Sorry. Oh, and I'd LOVE to suck your best friend's dick...god he's sooo hot. You don't mind that do you? Well, even if you did I'm sorry. I'm just letting you know because I know you want that of me.
And I respect that."

It doesn't matter how much you want women to tell you upfront so you don't have to play the guessing game, they WON'T.

I'm not sure about Sean's take on there's no infidelity or cheating...A part of me does believe that those things do exist..

However I also see the point that everyday Love is unbound. It has no rules, as it's all a matter of the heart. Cheating, infidelity...those are things we humans have placed on relationships to keep things kosher. They are governed by rules, and Love isn't.

I'm done rambling

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Ivan
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Registered: 11/10/07
Posts: 331

10/31/09 at 08:02 AM

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#13

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cameron
There is cheating. There is fidelity.

Yes.

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TimW
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11/01/09 at 07:39 PM

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#14

Quote:

Originally Posted by Matt

Quote:

No i don't want her to be sarcastic or blatently rubbing my nose in it! Just a simple honest i'm sorry but i think my feelings have changed. There's a big difference between that and someone saying they want to suck your friends dick.Truth hurts but silence leaves people with hope.And thats not a cool way to treat people, we all wouldn't want it done to us so why do it to others?

If you're gonna break up with someone at least let the other person know, i don't care what anyone says or how many excuses you come up with for how hard it is, it's really not that hard to do if you have any conscience.

And girls want us to be honest with them too.2 of my girlfriends when they were feeling a bit worried have asked me to be honest and have told me, if you feel like you don't like me anymore can you just be honest with me.So i see no reason why i shouldn't feel a right to expect the same.

If you genuinely love someone this oh but i fell out of love by the next day.Maybe i find it strange cause honestly it's never happened to me where i was in love for real and the next day all gone.Can you honestly say you were head over heels in love, only for it to all vanish a few hours later? I think there's something else going on there.Like you loved certain bits of the person, but there was always something not quite right.

Yes love doen't have any rules .But was it really love in the first place might be a better question?

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Dr Dr i'm having problems with the ladies!
really son what kind of problems?
I find i don't breathe when it matters the most!!

Matt
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Registered: 10/27/07
Posts: 1,243

11/01/09 at 09:43 PM

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#15

Quote:

Originally Posted by TimW
Truth hurts but silence leaves people with hope.And thats not a cool way to treat people, we all wouldn't want it done to us so why do it to others?

Silence may leave you with hope, but that's not a woman's intention when she doesn't say anything. She's 'hoping' you can read between the lines when she doesn't return phone calls, or stops being as attentive as she was...so she doesn't have to spell it out for you as doing so would be unbelievably cruel and mean.

I realize I'm talking to thin air when I say this, but women simply won't treat other people the way that may be 'appropriate' according to 'guy' standards. They follow their hearts and guts...and if it feels right they do it. And if it doesn't feel right they leave it.

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TimW
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Posts: 436

11/02/09 at 08:07 AM

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#16

Quote:

Originally Posted by Matt

Quote:

Originally Posted by TimW
Truth hurts but silence leaves people with hope.And thats not a cool way to treat people, we all wouldn't want it done to us so why do it to others?

Silence may leave you with hope, but that's not a woman's intention when she doesn't say anything. She's 'hoping' you can read between the lines when she doesn't return phone calls, or stops being as attentive as she was...so she doesn't have to spell it out for you as doing so would be unbelievably cruel and mean.

Fair enough but if she then starts contacting you again and saying she misses you before then disappearing again how are you supposed to know weather you've pissed her off and she's angry with you or weather she just isn't feeling it for you anymore? It's not that easy to know. And i disagree it's not 'guy standards' cause women like to be told as well like i already pointed out. People like to know where they stand not just 'guys'.

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Dr Dr i'm having problems with the ladies!
really son what kind of problems?
I find i don't breathe when it matters the most!!

seanmessenger
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Registered: 10/27/07
Posts: 4,171

11/02/09 at 09:38 AM

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#17

Um, if I'm not mistaken, your talking here about the completely insane chick from last year, yes?

That's not something "women" do. That's something totally emotionally unstable and severely damaged people do... men and women. You're right. The way she behaved was unacceptable. Problems arise when you start to accept it, instead of getting yourself free and insisting on better for yourself.

Easier said than done. I still get a pain in my heart from time-to-time thinking about one girl. I loved her, and she loved me, but both of us were really trapped in some deep emotional problems and damaged each other pretty heavily. Would I take her back knowing what I know? No. But some times I want another shot.

Human beings are very bad at risk-assessment. That's why the advice of confidantes and friends is so important.
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vboy123
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Registered: 09/05/09
Posts: 172

11/02/09 at 10:13 AM

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#18

I think u guys need to listen to Sean on this one. Your girl cheated on you. Ok, get over it, there is a very good reason for it. She felt out of love for you. And if you don't believe me then go join a woman's forum and see what they have to say about it (I actually am a member of a woman's forum as well, sharing my wisdom to single ladies and married ones). You will be suprised by the number of ladies who are going to defend the lady who cheated with reasons that you never even thought existed. Emotional difficulty is the number of problem and then comes others.
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Vboy123

"To be successful at socialising means to be comfortable within your skin in meeting everyone and establishing a bond of connection with those individuals. Always feel proud of yourself no matter where you are in life."
http://socyberty.com/advice/how-to-be-a-better-person/

Matt
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Registered: 10/27/07
Posts: 1,243

11/02/09 at 09:54 PM

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#19

Quote:

Originally Posted by TimW
but if she then starts contacting you again and saying she misses you before then disappearing again how are you supposed to know weather you've pissed her off and she's angry with you or weather she just isn't feeling it for you anymore? It's not that easy to know.

Then ya talk to her. Ask her. And trust that you both respect each other enough to believe what the other has to say.

by choosing to live with distrust of people, you choose to live in doubt of who they really are and what they really feel.

__________________
Work like you do not need the money, love like you never been hurt before and dance...like nobody is watching! - Liliana Graham

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gggggg
Sherpa
Registered: 09/16/09
Posts: 25

11/03/09 at 04:32 PM

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#20

do you love your ex TimW?

you want her back? what about that girl you are with now? actually I don't get where are you driving at, man...!

username
Sherpa
Registered: 02/23/08
Posts: 86

11/03/09 at 04:44 PM

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#21

HAHA! My thread has been hijacked. It's cool though.

gggggg
Sherpa
Registered: 09/16/09
Posts: 25

11/04/09 at 11:38 AM

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#22

guys stop thinking about girls who are not worth it!

goddamnit

TIM W

if she would be the one, you ass, she wouldnt just go away from you, right? dont you tthink?

so stop spamming please, if you have got already new girlfriend WTF you moaning about?

you cant get over your ex? do you love her? miss her? then why you are with another new girl? I bet she'd kick your ass up if she'd know about your feeling to your EX,man....

seanmessenger
Guide on the Path...
Registered: 10/27/07
Posts: 4,171

11/05/09 at 07:11 AM

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#23

ggggg,

i know it's hard sometimes to read messages and hear this voice screaming the answer in your head, but remember, no one hears you when you yell... and i think you've got some good things to offer, so...

you gots to chill, kid. your messages are coming through pretty aggro towards people. be constructive. it's ok to be clear and say harsh things when they need to be said, but less yelling AT people and more talking with them, please.

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udontknowme
Sherpa
Registered: 08/04/08
Posts: 41

11/05/09 at 09:37 AM

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#24

Great fear i sense in this one, fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering

gggggggg anger doesnt get things done, its not what happens to you but how you react to it, anger isn't protective.

Meh nevermind

gggggg
Sherpa
Registered: 09/16/09
Posts: 25

11/05/09 at 12:42 PM

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#25

sorry guys, but sometimes i just cant understand people who are with someone and theyre happy with but then- they start thinking about rubbish ex-s or spamming their heads with silly thoughts about the past!

is it fair to people you are with now?

if you all wanna tell advices to them by using milk and honey poetry then fair enough but they WONT get it- they will be thinking about that rubbish MORE AND MORE .

but you need to understand not everyone is like that, sometimes you need to be told how ass you are right now

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