EdwinSykes
Guide on the Path...
Registered: 05/01/08
Posts: 137
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| | 09/08/09 at 12:38 PM | Reply with quote | #1 |
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Listening to the podcast made me aware that I actually have a lot to be happy about from the last couple years. There have certainly being a lot of times that I leaped out my comfort zone and sometimes I pushed myself too far. There were also times where I have done things I have never done before and I look back on those times very fondly.
The thing that was missing though was consistently being on the edge of my comfort zone. Leaping out of my comfort zone is far too stressful. I took a boot-camp with a company in London just over a year ago and by the end of it I felt terrible. I can see now that if I am constantly living on the edge of my comfort zone I can accomplish a lot very quickly.
Homework:
Taking action and Integrity:
1. Make a list of 2-4 things that you should have done for a while but have been putting off:
• Getting back into daily martial art practice.
• Writing back to friends on facebook.
• Getting back into daily Tai Chi fan practice.
• Getting started on making a showreel for my film music.
2. By the evening of the 10th of September I will have:
• Practiced marital arts at home for at least 10 minutes.
• Replied to at least one friend on facebook.
• Practiced Tai Chi fan at least once.
• Watched one film that I considering putting in my showreel.
Comfort zone and edge:
• I avoid talking to women even when they make it clear that they would like to talk to me.
• I hate getting up early.
• I hate exercising first thing in the morning.
• I tell myself that I don't have time to go out and be social.
What is within my comfort zone:
• Making eye contact and smiling at women.
• Getting up when I feel like it.
• Getting up and making a cup of coffee.
• Having time to play video games.
The next smallest accurate step I can take to improve my edge:
• Nod my head as a greeting while I smile at a woman.
• Go to bed extra early, meditate and then get up when I feel like it.
• Gett up, make a cup coffee and while the kettle is boiling do some stretches or warm up exercises.
• Go out to a coffee shop, chat with the baristas, read a book and come home and play video games.
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QBall
Navigator
Registered: 04/10/08
Posts: 17
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| | 09/08/09 at 06:10 PM | Reply with quote | #2 |
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You've got the right idea Edwin, I love it.
Q
__________________
"The iron ore feels itself needlessly tortured as it goes through the furnace. The tempered blade looks back and knows better."
- Japanese proverb
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EdwinSykes
Guide on the Path...
Registered: 05/01/08
Posts: 137
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| | 09/11/09 at 09:20 AM | Reply with quote | #3 |
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Hey thanks Q.
I managed to complete everything on my taking action and integrity list so I made another list for next week because I want to keep doing it. The list has helped me to be really productive this week so I think it is something I am going to keep doing.
I've made a list of new goals for the 18th of September.
By the evening of the 18th of September I will have:
1. Practiced martial arts at least twice for ten minutes each time.
2. Replied to at least 2 people in my email account and deleted 20 old emails.
3. Practiced Tai Chi at least twice.
4. Chosen at least one scene for my showreel.
Also my comfort zone and edge list has changed. I have found that I have lost a bit of ground in making eye contact with women and smiling at them. Also I have found that staying up late has it's advantages. First of all I am most creative at that time, also it's a great time to do natural grounding meditation.
So here is my new list.
Comfort zone and edge:
• I am afraid that if I make eye contact and smile at a woman I will offend her.
• I often procrastinate doing any work at the beginning of the day unless there is something urgent.
• I hate exercising first thing in the morning.
• I tell myself that I don't have time to go out and be social.
What is within my comfort zone:
• Noticing a woman in my vicinity.
• Getting up and going on the computer and checking my email.
• Getting up and making a cup of coffee.
• Having time to play video games.
The next smallest accurate step I can take to improve my edge:
• Make eye contact with a woman and smile at her. It doesn’t matter if she smiles back and whoever breaks eye contact first.
• Get up, go outside in the garden and drink a cup of coffee. Come in and start work.
• Get up, make a cup of coffee and while the kettle is boiling do some stretches or warm up exercises.
• Go out to a coffee shop, chat with the baristas, read a book and come home and play video games.
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EdwinSykes
Guide on the Path...
Registered: 05/01/08
Posts: 137
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| | 09/18/09 at 03:05 PM | Reply with quote | #4 |
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Previous Homework Review
Making Eye Contact With Women and Smiling At Them:
I managed to make eye contact and smile at way over 30 women this week. My comfort zone has expanded but also my reason for smiling at women has changed dramatically. I now realize that the reason I started to feel uncomfortable smiling at women was because I was being reactive in my goals. I was smiling at women hoping that they would end up talking to me and that it would somehow lead to dating and sex. What changed for me was that I started to simply enjoy smiling at women for the sake of it rather then hoping it would lead somewhere. Not only did the women respond much more positively but I had a lot more fun and I felt a lot better.
I realize now that the act of making eye contact with a woman and smiling at her is an erotic and joyful experience in itself. It doesn’t need to lead to anything in order to justify the act. The act of flirting is a beautiful and erotic experience in itself and it doesn’t matter whether it leads to sex or not. With this new way of thinking I feel like I can have an erotic experience like this almost everyday. It also takes all the pressure away and I don’t feel like I need to get a particularly response from a woman in order to feel happy. I actually feel really happy in myself and I really enjoy living on the edge of my comfort zone. I feel much more alive and joyful.
Get Up, Drink Coffee in the Garden Before Work:
This hasn’t worked out quite as well as I expected so I think I need to adjust this. The main thing is that I like to read emails and forums because it is a nice way to wake up in the morning. So what I’m going to do instead is simply change what I’m reading. Instead of reading emails and forums I’m going to read a book for 15 or 20 minutes each morning while drinking a cup of coffee.
Doing Warm Up Exercises While Making Coffee:
This is going quite well. I can imagine that after I’ve done this for a while I can expand to practicing martial arts for ten minutes every morning before making a cup of coffee.
Go out to a coffee shop, chat with the baristas, read a book and come home and play video games:
I decided to expand the locations to include restaurants, bars, clubs as well as coffee shops. I find that I end up stopping in places for coffee and beer quite often when I go out for meetings. It doesn’t really matter or not whether I take a book with me or play video games afterwards, although I still may do that. The most important thing is that I talk to one of the workers there.
Homework
Unreactivity, reasonable expectations:
One of the things that I considered to be my biggest failures and which haunted me for a long time was something that happened at a pickup bootcamp I took in London over a year ago.
As part of the bootcamp they had women come in (all who were very attractive models) who we could practice flirting with. One of the techniques we learned was a “kino” technique where we touched a woman on the arms and on the stomach very lightly multiple times when we first met her in order to get her “turned on” or comfortable with us.
When I practiced this technique on one of the women she became uncomfortable and she said “stop touching me so much”. I apologized and stopped immediately. I tried to keep talking to her but she said “I feel like you are interviewing me”. As the conversation kept on going I felt more and more nervous and she got more and more irritated. Had it being a normal conversation I probably would have left much sooner but it was part of the practice session at the workshop.
I probably spent close to a year beating myself up and thinking about it but over time it has healed due to a lot of PSP, natural grounding, EFT, TAT etc. Looking back I can see that the disappointment came from the fact that I did a technique incorrectly yet it was the first time I had ever used it (and I no longer use pickup techniques anymore anyway). Had it being a technique in martial arts or a technique in musicianship my expectations would not have being so high and I would have being fine.
I was disappointed because I thought at the time that I could make a woman like me by acting a certain way or using certain pick up techniques. My goal was to make her attracted to me and that goal was unreasonable because you can’t make someone like you anymore then you can make someone like a certain kind of beer.
Having had so much time to reflect on this I realize that I am actually very happy that it is not possible to make someone like you using a technique. The reason being, when someone does react in a positive way towards me I know for a fact that they really do like me and there is something very satisfying about the fact that I don’t have to do anything to make them like me.
Not only did the woman have to like me in order for my goal to be successful but I had never used this technique before and the technique had no power to make her really like me anyway. It is no wonder that I felt very disappointed when I had such unrealistic expectations and a goal that was dependent on a woman’s approving of me.
Looking back, not only were my efforts exactly what I was capable of at that time but I’m not sure that doing the technique better was what would have helped. What I really needed was a better understanding of how a man can be truly attractive to women. My efforts were an indication of what I understood about dating and meeting women at that time and also it is clear to me that I was fully committed to doing the techniques I learnt to the best of ability and that I persevered that weekend despite some difficult moments.
What I learnt was that techniques don’t make a man attractive and that I needed to look at something completely different if I wanted to solve this area of my life regarding meeting and dating women. The bootcamp (unintentionally) helped me to see the true reality of what it is to be a pick up artist who uses indirect game and manipulation to meet and date women. I learnt that the world of pua is not for me. It was a very valuable life lesson and it sent me on the path to learning the three things that have had and continue to have the most impact on my relationships with women, PSP from Sean Messenger, natural grounding from Rion Williams and affirmations from Brent Smith. Also I leant that the reason to touch a woman was to simply enjoy touching her. If I touch her on the shoulder I touch her on the shoulder because it feels good to me and it feels good to her. If I hug a woman, kiss her, caress her it is because I want to share good feelings with her. These are beautiful things in themselves and they are not techniques to get a women heated up so that I can score with her.
Shaping:
1.
• Make eye contact and smile at a beautiful woman (I have already done this).
• Make eye contact and greet a man or woman.
• Make eye contact and greet a beautiful woman.
• Get into a brief conversation with a man or woman.
• Get into a brief conversation with a beautiful woman.
• Get into a conversation with a beautiful woman that goes on for at least two minutes.
• As about but then exchange contact info to set up a meeting in the future.
• As above but go on an instant date or exchange contact info to set up a meeting in the future.
I may add more steps in my approximation map later. Ultimately my goal is to be meeting women all the time and exchanging contact info. With PSP, natural grounding and affirmations I am confident that as long as I am meeting women and talking with them that things will quite often lead to attraction and physical relationships. If not I can create new shaping maps in the future. However for now the ultimate goal is to be meeting women all the time when I am out and about.
2. For the next 30 days I will greet at least 30 men or women. I will go out at least 4 days a week in order to do this. If I complete this challenge I will reward myself with a nice meal in an Indian restaurant.
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EdwinSykes
Guide on the Path...
Registered: 05/01/08
Posts: 137
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| | 10/22/09 at 05:00 PM | Reply with quote | #5 |
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Previous Homework Review:
So far I have made eye contact and greeted 30 men and women. I will reward myself with take out food and a DVD of my choice. My next challenge will be to greet 30 women whom I consider to be attractive.
Homework Week 3:
1.
It is important to improve my ability to meet and date women for the following reasons:
I enjoy and love meeting women. I am responsible for my own life and how I live it. If I want to have wonderful relationships with women I love then I need to get out there and push outside my comfort zone. Meeting and dating women is fun. The women whom I have being in sexual and romantic relationships with have being a great source of happiness, fun, sexual adventure and inspiration in my life. I deserve to have fun and experience more sexual adventure, inspiration and meet beautiful women but only I can make it happen.
I love sex and I love beautiful women. If I want to enjoy amazing sex and beautiful women I need to get out there, push my comfort zone, do natural grounding, psp, meditation and affirmations. All of these things are fun and enjoyable in themselves and they lead to having sexual relationships with beautiful women.
My personal power will increase as I do more meditation, go out and meet women and push my comfort zone. As a result I will be able to powerfully effect my own life in a way that I want. I will be inspired by the wonderful people that come into my life and as result I will be more creative and empowered.
I will become self validated, self assured and my self esteem will rise as I realize that I have the ability to create the life that I love. I will be more secure knowing that I can meet women any time I want and that I only need to depend on myself for my own happiness and self worth. I will become my own best friend and will have a wonderful relationship with myself.
If I don’t do this I will look back and regret it. If I do this however, I will look back and have many happy memories in my life.
As I am more open to people in general I will love more openly and freely. I will be able to express myself freely, openly and without fear of judgement. I’ll be a happier person and I’ll be able to bring more happiness into my life. I’ll be able to bring out the true sexuality of women and they will become happier and more content.
2.
For my style of debriefing I will create a spreadsheet where for each day I can keep a record of what kinds of meditation I did that day, wether I went out and what kind of responses I got from women. Plus I will have a section where I can write detailed notes if I want to.
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QBall
Navigator
Registered: 04/10/08
Posts: 17
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| | 10/22/09 at 09:50 PM | Reply with quote | #6 |
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Excellent Edwin, good work.
Almog
__________________
"The iron ore feels itself needlessly tortured as it goes through the furnace. The tempered blade looks back and knows better."
- Japanese proverb
Want more? Get your free "Living at your edge" reports!
http://www.warmalpha.com/ucp |
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