Nathan
Guide on the Path...
Registered: 10/30/08
Posts: 652
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| | 09/05/09 at 04:24 PM | Reply with quote | #1 |
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Taking Action and Integrity
-I've been putting off cleaning my room since the semester started. It should only take me about 30 minutes or less to clean it so I'll get it done before this weekend is over.
That's it really... I've been on top of my game for everything since school started.
Comfort Zone and Edge
-My exercise and diet are fine, I spend more time in the gym than I do in class (and I go to all my classes  )
-I haven't started my job yet, but I'll only have to work 4 hours a week. Easy.
-I'm always pushing myself to communicate a little more. At the football game today I sat with the group of guys starting all the chants
-I talk to girls a lot, actually... way more than guys (there are just more women here ). The problem I'm running into right now is that I somehow always end up talking to freshmen girls that still have their highschool boyfriend. If my initial reaction is that the girl just isn't feeling it then I move on. I'm never gonna make my way around all of them (too many that I'm attracted to), so I'll stick with the ones that are showing me interest too.
What's in my Comfort Zone and What Steps can I take to Move Closer to my Goals
-With girls my comfort zone ends after the kiss. I can be sitting in a lecture hall of 200+ people that echoes like a bastard and tell a girl she looks cute; I can be walking down the street and give a random girl a compliment; I've even done the literal chase and ran after someone to tell her she was cute. Right now I'm just maintaining my ability to approach while I play the numbers game trying to find a single girl. And each time just reinforces my perception of my ability to talk to women... and it's still fun even if she does have a boyfriend Most of the time I can tell when a girl wants to kiss me (I'm not perfect ) and I'm real good when the time comes for that. But afterwards is where it gets uncomfortable. I don't have the confidence that only comes from experience in that aspect.
This is actually getting into what my coaching call with Shawn Keegan was about. I told him that I can get the kiss, whether it's from something that started in a daytime approach or at a party, and more recently I've been able to get head... but I can't get laid. Now I will admit that I haven't been out partying yet this semester, but my birthday and rush week are coming up real soon. I'll have more chances, It'll just take some time.
Damn I feel like for the past couple months each UCP month and each free coaching call all lead down to the same thing... which is what I just got into, yet again, haha.
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QBall
Navigator
Registered: 04/10/08
Posts: 17
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| | 09/05/09 at 07:48 PM | Reply with quote | #2 |
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Nathan, good write up!
Still, you haven't written what is the next action step you can take after the kiss.
Notice how everything you describe about approaching a girl is in clear action words, but when you get to the area afterwards you start using rationalizations and reasons ("I can't get laid"...).
So you've kissed a girl. Usually you then fumble - is it with conversation?
What is 1 tiny thing you currently don't do, that you could do in the direction of your goal?
Example:
- Cut the kiss / making out short in the first place (it's an edge, a 'soft' edge if you make out with girls too long... a fear of losing pleasure, and you can stop it at that) - just a guess, I could be wrong here.
- Tell her "that was nice", and then ask her something about herself, completely disregarding the kiss
- Tell her "you're good", and then moving with her something completely new (e.g. the bar?), which should reset both your and her mind.
Quote:
I don't have the confidence that only comes from experience in that aspect.
You've had enough excuses to last you a lifetime. This workshop is about TAKING ACTION. While your statement above may be true (if you choose to look at it), it's also highly unhelpful.
Focus on ACTION. I might have been completely off with my interpretation as there were very few details. But decide now, what action can you take differently next time after you kiss a girl.
Cheers,
Q
__________________
"The iron ore feels itself needlessly tortured as it goes through the furnace. The tempered blade looks back and knows better."
- Japanese proverb
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Nathan
Guide on the Path...
Registered: 10/30/08
Posts: 652
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| | 09/05/09 at 10:42 PM | Reply with quote | #3 |
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Quote: - Cut the kiss / making out short in the first place (it's an edge, a 'soft' edge if you make out with girls too long... a fear of losing pleasure, and you can stop it at that) - just a guess, I could be wrong here.
When I kiss a girl, I give it just enough time so that she wants more. Then I push her away or hold her and pull myself away. That's about when I get "the look"... you know, the one that says she wants more and she can't believe you actually pulled away first. Then I just look at her and she says something along the lines of "you're a tease"... or it's at least in the sub text if she doesn't say it straight out.
Where you quoted me saying "I don't have the confidence that only comes from experience in that aspect." what I meant by that is that certain things you need to DO to gain experience, you can't just read or talk about it. It's like kissing, the first time I was awful. I didn't know what I was doing, but now I'm fucking good at it.
It wasn't meant as an excuse, I just can't play it off like I know what to do (that kind of confidence)... when in reality, I haven't yet experienced it and I don't know what to do. But see, I really don't get that many chances to work at that level. I'll talk to girls all day, but that doesn't help my inexperience in bed. The only "small step" I can see actually meaning anything is going out and trying to get with girls like I would have anyway. To push past my comfort zone I need to get to the point where I have just kissed a girl, and work from there.
Does that make any more sense?
Edit: BTW, awesome proverb in your sig.
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QBall
Navigator
Registered: 04/10/08
Posts: 17
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| | 09/06/09 at 01:13 AM | Reply with quote | #4 |
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Nathan, without knowing about your history and stuff that you discussed with Shawn on your coaching call, I can say this.
If it's only a situation you encoutner infrequently, it's probably not your edge, it's beyond it.
If getting a kiss is a rare opportunity, I would suggest that your issue is probably with escalation. I know a few months ago the UCP had an escalation month, and I don't want to override anyone else's advice.
I can say this - for myself, escalation is a very smooth process - that is, there are things I do over and over again. I start with taps along the arm, and at an opportune moment, I move in closer with my body to hers. This isn't the topic of this month per se - but have a look at some articles out there on escalation and find some so-called 'moves' that you think are possible for you yet uncomfortable. Those would probably be your edge and when conquered would lead you to a situation where you have more debates about whether or not to kiss, rather than it being a rarity.
Hope this helps,
QBall
__________________
"The iron ore feels itself needlessly tortured as it goes through the furnace. The tempered blade looks back and knows better."
- Japanese proverb
Want more? Get your free "Living at your edge" reports!
http://www.warmalpha.com/ucp |
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