Hahaha~!!

Why did I write my title like I was saying,

"Hi! I'm John. And I have a problem..."

Stuff it!!

The day I take myself too seriously is the day I will tell myself,

"I have nothing more to live for..."

=========

I think I am starting to have a better understanding of what AppAn/AppAd really is.

I just had a visit from one of my mom's best friends: a HOT 32yr old divorcee. And for the longest time, I have a serious crush on her (and I pretty much know she knows).

Everytime I see her, I feel the nerves in my gut, to the point that my fingers start shaking, my throat goes dry, and for some odd reason, my body tenses involuntarily.

And this is a woman I have known for YEARS!

But everytime we start talking, I feel really excited talking to her, joking and teasing her, and just having fun spending time with each other. It feels great having that energy being with her.

And initially I thought that the nervousness was a bad sign (as per what "The Community" preaches).

But now I know better.

It is FUEL!!

=========

Homework:

Visualization:

• I remember one of the girls that I have a total crush on this Chinese-Malaysian girl a couple of years ago. And all I can remember was the feeling, she was AWESOME!

Long jet black hair, deep black eyes, petite tight body, the smell (Kurayst, I still remember till now. Like roses and cotton candy!), and a killer smile, the one to die for.

I see myself seeing her again with our group of friends and acquaintances from the last couple of years. There will be a bit of akwardness, Me: "My God, what am I suppose to say now...? Do I have to show that I am a total cool guy not like the dweeb from before? Do I just ignore her...?" Her: "He... changed!? What did he do to himself!? My God, why am I nervous? Why is he looking at me like that? Stop that!!"

After the initial akwardness, the energy just started flowing. "It's been a while. You look absolutely great! If I start eating my words, it's your fault!" New stories, stories of the old, "Why didn't you go for it!? I would have said Yes..."

And for every moment that I spend time with her, the more my body tingles with anxious excitement. As I try to calm myself, the more my body gets excited. I look at her with a smile that says only one thing:

"I WANT YOU!!"

• Just walking down the street, doing my own business, and from a distance, I saw a figure of beauty starting to approach me.

She was absolutely stunning: long brown hair, milkish white skin, killer long legs, and looking absolutely ravishing with a sleeveless shirt, jeans, and rubber shoes.

As we move in closer, I get to look into her jade green eyes. And I know I should start looking away. But I can't. I was just mesmerized by her.

And she was the same.

At the moment we passed by each other, I felt a glimpse of her that made my heart skip a beat:

A bright, vivacious smile.

I ask myself, "You have your balls intact...? Yes...? Then better chase her down boy. It is not a responsibility, it's a DUTY!!"

10... 20... 50... 100 meters down the street.

Went right in front of her.

I begged her to stopped.

Gasped for air.

Took every energy in my body to say one line:

"I'm sorry! It's just that after what happened there, I don't think I'll let you go just like that. Not many can make me feel like that.

I'm John."

The rest is history...

==========

"Approach Anxiety is a sign that we are ALIVE!!"

Looking back at "The Community", AA is defined as an unnatural disease to what is supposed to be natural: That an interaction between Men and Women should bear no tension, anxiousness, or even a degree of fear itself. Anyone that shows this "unnatural behavior" towards women were given the same solutions to the problem:

Approach 1000 sets. Neg her. Use Cocky and Funny. Make her chase you. Elicit values. Drop the word "sexy". Kino. ESCALATE!! (My personal favorite. Oh, how much I ABHOR this word...). 

Different techniques have been developed over the years to reduce its effects or even nullify it. The Sedona Method, Affirmations, the dreaded "Inner Game" techniques, hypnosis, NLP (Dear God, NO!) and others have proliferated within The Community and claim itself as the "cure" for the "disease".

Personally, I have nothing against these techniques. I have been through some of these programs and to some effect do work. The only problem is that it never offers anything in the long term since its only purpose, in my humble opinion, goes only as far as:

"I wanna have sex with you. And I will not hide it. But how can I make this feeling go away so it will seem like I am a cool guy worthy of your fuck?"

Feels like a Pop Psychology 101 class: We'll fix your problems and give you a free lollipop for your efforts.

And to those who are not in the community, there is always something that would help them ease it down. Man's best drink.

Alcohol.

But today, I want to crush these methods and blow it to the wind.

I was just doing my daily routine walk from my home, to the park, shopping centre, train station, and back. This, in one go, would last me at least 40 minutes at a time.

I was wearing nothing more than a baseball cap, white t-shirt tucked under my grey basketball shorts, and slippers. I look like a person from the housing commission asking people for spare change.    

As I was walking back home, I saw a figure just a couple of metres in front of me. I breathe, look at person and just smile to bid them good day. But as I walked closer, I can't believe what I am seeing.

She was absolutely gorgeous: Long hair, chocolate brown skin, long sexy legs tucked under her black blouse, thin, tight body covered in office overalls. And as I draw even closer: sparkling marble black eyes.

Definitely a Filipina. And the prettiest Filipina I have seen in months.    

All I wanted was to give her a nod to say good day. And then, just before we pass each other and started to look away, I don't know if it was my imagination, but I saw the sweetest smile, and a very shy greeting, "Hi..."

I immediately stopped, my whole body start shuddering in seconds, which felt like forever. She made my heart skip a beat. And just from that instant she gave me her energy, I was literaly stunned. But at the same time, I felt a jolt of excitement in my body. Like it was saying, "How can you make me feel this nervous and excited by just your presence?"

I looked back and saw her moving away. 2, 5, 10 metres passing. I took one breathe, and ran up to her, with all the emotions raging in my body,

"Excuse me, but you are the cutest girl I have seen all day. I just had to meet you."

From what I remember, it took her a couple of seconds to realize what was going on.

"My name is Jo..."

Then she started to squeal and giggle. She doesn't believe what was happening.

"I'm sorry, my name is John."

"Oh, I'm xxx"

"So what are you up to today" 
"I am about to go to work, just in the clinic close here." 
"Hey, I usually go there when I am sick. But not today, unless I want an excuse to skip work..." 
*Smiling and giggling* 
"Hey you know... *mumble* *mumble* Wait. I don't even know what to say here, but I really don't have anything with me at the moment. But you know I really would love to get to know you. I just thought you are worth it." 
"I can't... I have a boyfriend." 
"That's cool. If that's the case, you know where I could buy a time machine? I just thought I was a couple of years too late..." 
"Haha~!! That's cute. But you can visit me if you are in the area." 
"I will. Not many can make me feel this way, just to let you know. You have a great day!"

At that point, I realized what the exercises Sean was trying to give us.

Being nice to people, showing respect, being a good human being.

All of this is just to show GRATITUDE.

Gratitude to people, gratitude for the life given to me, gratitude for the things I have. And most of all, gratitude I am alive.

From being able to give gratitude, I can experience my own self worth. Things that I already have that I am free to give.

The nervousness that women give us is not a plague, but a calling to be a better man. A woman presence is to demonstrate that there is beauty in the world.

It is our duty to appreciate and celebrate that!

And from the methods that I have learned, I believe now that they are nothing more than quick fix.

Because I feel that, through my own intense work, that a man must be able to stand up to the challenge EVERY SINGLE DAY!

And for those who find ways to undermine AA, all they will be are little boys who are afraid to make a stand in the world with their own two feet, and be thankful for the things they have.