Sometimes your woman will just act like a bitch. Sometimes she will push you and nag you and stare at you until you crack and say "what?" Sometimes she will talk about other men. Sometimes she will ignore you and tell you nothing is wrong. And sometimes she will say the thing you want to hear least in the world from your woman.

"You can't hear me. And you can't understand me."

So you try. You practice patience. You look at her and listen and you even manage to not argue. Instead of battling and trying to prove how right you are, you listen and maintain your dignity and calm and humor. You tell her how cute she is. You play it cool.

You play it cool and you play it cool and you play it cool.

And suddenly you see that she despises you for it. You see it in her eyes like you see the storms in the sky. It's about to rain down hard and cold on you, and unless you do something to change it, it's gonna keep raining your whole life.

What the hell do you do when your woman unleashes hell on you?

 

Great Women Can Make Your Life Hell

A friend of mine asked me this yesterday. This isn't just about meeting women. This is about meeting GREAT women, and keeping the ones that make you the happiest. I mean, any little boy can learn to get a girl into bed. Just find one who's insecure and mad at daddy and making up for it with extra mascara, then offer her some coke and you've got a party-to-go.

You don't need school just to get laid.

But you do need guidance when it comes to keeping great women around for more than one day. We all do. You do. I do. My friend did. So he asked, simply, for help, because a storm was brewing.

"Sean,

I've been dating one girl for about 2 months now. Recently she has started to test me in several ways. Her "jokingly": "How do you introduce someone when theyre not your boyfriend or girlfriend yet.. Special Friend?" .. she is going to visit a friend from college in a week for his birthday party. She makes a point to tell me how much of a player he is having made out with every girl in the office.. and that she was his first real friend that is a girl. All of this is done very jokingly and lightly.. but of course it still jabs me. Over the last couple days she hasn't been returning text or e-mail as often/frequent as usual... I care about this girl a lot and want her to be my girlfriend.  I have not acted upset.. always trying to remain cool and friendly. Do you see this as a pretty strong sign she is starting to lose interest?

I am really unsure of how to proceed.."

Man, every day I get a bit of this feeling, even now.

She's feeling unloved. You don't take her seriously.

You need to be with her, completely. It's not just about in bed. It's about all the moments when you are not in bed.

What do you share with her? What has she shared with you? What is special between the two of you she can't find anywhere?

She feels you can leave at any time and be OK. And she's gonna cover her ass unless you lay it on the line and demonstrate to her you are in it for real.

All in or lose the hand. Your call.

Contrary to popular belief, women can find great lovers. What they can't find is a great connection. And when they feel that you aren't man enough to make that connection, they will whip up a storm real fast. And you then get two choices: fight or die.

When there's a storm brewing, you hold, hold, hold, like the Scots holding the line in "Braveheart," but when it breaks, and you feel it raging, you have to meet energy with energy. To quote "Step Into Liquid," "you can't catch a freight train with a bicycle."

She needs to feel you are in this too. She needs to feel it can hurt for you.

Now I will show you what I mean.

The other night me and my girl were just NOT getting along. Stress, moving, living together, all piled up with misunderstandings and shit. And she moved her shit out of the bedroom and was faking sleep on the couch. Not talking. Not doing anything but staring at me and telling me in a flat, lack of fucking affect voice that I just would never understand her.  And it didn't hurt. It was boring. It was wasted female drama.

It was a problem that wouldn't go away, and that problem... was pissing me off.

Finally, I got it. This shit was just flat out pissing me off. I wasn't cool. I wasn't dignified. I was PISSED.

Something snapped inside

I yelled "fvck this!" and hurled my Heineken bottle as hard as I could against the wall. It made a helluva noise. It woke the neighbors. I didn't care, because I was fighting mad.

And I finally realized I was just being too damn calm. I was insulting her with my calm. I was hiding my emotions and afraid to look foolish and risk anything. So I just let the anger and hurt and fury build and let them loose.

I was not fighting her. I was fighting IT. The IT is the relationship, the !#@* that builds up and prevents you from seeing each other, from hearing each other, from reaching across the space between and finding each other. And sometimes you need to rage against that, or it will beat you down.

When it beats you into the ground, she sees you are not a man. If you aren't willing to fight IT, you aren't willing to fight for her. And every woman needs a fighter. She needs a warrior.

I've lost too many great women because of this. We are taught over and over again to stay cool and unreactive and never let a woman see she can bother you. And maybe that's fine and dandy when you first meet her and want her to see the cool.

But women don't want cool. They want hot. They want passion. They want to know you are alive for real, and being alive means feeling emotion... even ugly ones like anger, fury, frustration and hate. If you can't feel and show the ugly emotions, you can't feel and show the beautiful ones, and she knows you are really just covering your little-kid-ass and hiding in fear from the world.

 

You Need to Know How to Fight for Her or You Will Lose Her

I'm here to share my over 25 years of learning about great relationships, and how to manage even the end so that you never have to feel that crippling pain again. Wouldn't it be great to know you can date and always feel happy, even when it's over?

I used to mess things up horribly. Now I hear things like this message from my ex-girlfriend.

"When i think about what happened, I don't feel pain, i feel a sweet memory."

That's what you get when you learn how to be in it for real. You have to fight to be with her all the way through. It's the only way to live.

I used to pride myself so much on staying cool no matter what that I kept losing great women because I wanted my cool more than I wanted her.

Are you willing to go to war for her? Will you lay down your arms and your pride and stand before her willing to die? Are you ready?

If so, she is yours. If not, she never was.

"Wow Sean.

You're at another level man.

You get women and relationships like no other "teacher" out there.

Man, I think I lost my girl for good because I couldn't get pissed... was too cool... was too unemotional... until we stopped seeing each other and I realized how much I love her.

Now she won't even return phone calls or email.

You're so right about this... she'd tell me how she was feeling and then after her frustrations say, "I don't know what I want"... in regard to the relationship--when I'm sure she really just wanted me to man up and "be in it" like you said.

Sadly I was listening to community advice instead of my gut.

Lesson learned, and there's always the future. I've noticed you can restart a relationship later if you let it die down for a bit.

Oh well, just wanted to let you know I FEEL you man.

Later

- C"

Peace and love,

Sean

actually, as far as I know- if a girl really loves you etc she wouldn#t mind if you are needy or whatever.

as long as you talk with her, care about her everything's totally right